ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
