I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
zippers are such a cool invention
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
