i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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