Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
