I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
