We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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