Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This girl is more easily done than said...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
