your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
