i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
