she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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