Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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