For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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