drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
