Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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