Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
