You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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