I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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