Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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