I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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