When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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