My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
