She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
