This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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