peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
