just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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