rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
