I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well you can't waste a boner
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
