Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
