Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
