I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
