Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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