Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
