I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What a dumb baby whore.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
