she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
