I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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