He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
