Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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