dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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