I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
