Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
