My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
