your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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