we're blogging at a bar
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
