so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
