You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
