do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
