just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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