i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
