I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
