textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
