i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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