ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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