yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
