New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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