Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
