I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am puke
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i drank out of a bidet.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
