Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
