im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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