I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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