No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
